Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
