You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
