Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
