My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
