I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
