i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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