remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
