i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
