Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
