He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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