Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
