im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize