broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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