i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
