Im at strip club and am horny
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
