She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
