Me. At least after what I've been through.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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