NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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