also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
its liver damage thursday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
