We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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