I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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