The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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