I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
