I'm so fucking centered right now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
