she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
