Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
