Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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