he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
