You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
