some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
