Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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