I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
