We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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