I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
