Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
