the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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