Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
