I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
