Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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