Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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