Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
