If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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