He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
