i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
