I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
