i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You need a sexual gate keeper
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
