I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
