i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
