Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
