your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
where are my eyebrows?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
