Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
