Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
