Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
