people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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