you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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