My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
