I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
