We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
