I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
