Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You pole danced in your parka.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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