i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
