well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
