ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
