You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
