party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
