I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
