i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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