Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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