The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
