You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
