I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
