It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
