I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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