I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
