Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
