I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The maid of honor just puked.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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