Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
